Existential Crisis

My personal life at the moment is a complete mess. My partner is about to leave me. I feel like I’ve abandoned my family back in Brazil, and the world has been a bit harsh on me. It’s a lot of criticism and demands from everywhere (do I sound like a teenager?) and not many words of reassurance. My self-esteem is really low at the moment. I feel like I’m bad at everything. At least it shows me, in a hard way, how I should not behave. I can give the world and the people around me positive energy, reassuring and cumplimentative words and demand little. I was going to say demand nothing, but I do demand respect.

Anyways, enough self-pity. What always helped keeping myself together in moments of existential crisis was obviously football. It’s a big part of my identity and it’s something that I genuinely love. Playing (unfortunately not so much lately), talking about it, watching it. It’s always in the back of my mind: Whatever happens, I have football. It’s not exactly honourable. I have conflicts about why not dedicating my life to health science, or engineering, or something productive and that can actually help humanity (maybe I can do it on my spare time?).

But I also can’t deny it. It’s strong. It’s loud. It’s always been. Even when I worked in other industries. And now I have the privilege to pursue a career with the thing I love the most. Thanks Australia, thanks Madalyn for the support, thanks mom and dad for giving me the freedom and support to be so intensely involved with football in my childhood. I promise I’ll try to do my  job in a honourable way. To be organized, clean, tidy and punctual. To be ethic. To be fair and coherent. To be loyal to my players and clubs and country. To cultivate peace, kindness even if not given that. I’ll do everything within my reach to inspire my players not only to be great athletes, but also sportsmen, with decent values. That’s what I’m here for.

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